is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She's the barista slut.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
