i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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