I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You need a sexual gate keeper
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
