I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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