just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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