just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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