I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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