tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
