My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
