Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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