I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
