I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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