:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
