apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
