this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
