I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just googled if crying burns calories
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
