It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I party with great urgency now.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
