Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
