I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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