So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
