oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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