I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
