Whod you bang
if you like me you must not know who I am
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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