Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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