i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
