Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
