Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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