im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
