he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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