I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
