yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
