And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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