you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
