a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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