Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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