I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize