You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
After last night, I could never be a politician.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
