what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
