I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
