if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
