i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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