Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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