Plan B is the new Plan A
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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