Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
