Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
