If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
