sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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