I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
