My cat gives me a boner
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
