Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
