Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
