i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
ttyl tear gas
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
