it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
my nose is crying tears of wow.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
