the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
