It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
