I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
