becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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