On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
