My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So many bounce houses so little time
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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