it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
