i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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