had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
