I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
it's like heaven, but drunker
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
