I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
